Intentional Kindness in Schools | Bucket Filling with Carol McCloud

What if a few words and a simple image could reshape how students treat each other—and how they feel about themselves? We dive into bucket filling, a plain-language framework that sparked a global kindness movement. Grounded in the CASEL competencies and early brain research, this approach replaces vague advice with three clear rules: be a bucket filler, try not to dip, and use your lid.

Carol McCloud, president of Bucket Fillers Academy and author of 11 children’s books, shares how the metaphor took root in classrooms and homes, why it resonates from preschool to adults, and how “fill more, dip less, use the lid” becomes a daily rhythm. We talk through scaffolding the concepts by age, from concrete acts of kindness to the advanced skill of setting boundaries. Carol offers ready-to-use ideas: a 30-minute eye-to-eye affirmation circle that changes classroom tone, a daily pledge that keeps the habit top-of-mind, and family rituals that ask, “Whose bucket did you fill today—and what filled yours?”

Expect data as well as heart. You will hear how one principal, once skeptical, watched behavior referrals fall by 68% after tracking witnessed kindness with classroom buckets and school-wide action. We also explore how the language reframes bullying as a behavior to be changed, not an identity to be assigned, helping students respond with empathy, accountability, and self-control.

 Along the way, Carol points to free posters, songs, and multilingual tools at bucketfillers101.com to make the practice stick across mornings, group work, and conflict resolution.

If you believe culture drives learning, this episode gives you a shared vocabulary, practical routines, and the science-backed reminder that tiny acts create big ripples. Subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review to help more educators and families discover tools that make kindness visible. What bucket will you fill today?

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Sponsored by Dr. Gregg Hassler Jr., DMD
Trusted dental care for healthy smiles and stronger communities—building brighter futures daily.

Chapters

• 0:00 Framing SEL Through Kindness
• 2:05 Introducing Bucket Filling And Carol McLeod
• 3:07 Origins Of The Bucket Metaphor
• 3:56 Books For Different Ages And Lids
• 5:47 Bullying Prevention And Language
• 7:40 School And Family Success Stories
• 10:12 Free Tools And Daily Routines
• 11:48 A Powerful Classroom Activity
• 14:39 Daily Habits For Home And School
• 16:23 Three Rules: Fill, Don’t Dip, Use Lid
• 18:31 Closing Reflection And Audience Invites

Transcript

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 0:38

What if the secret to building happier, kinder classrooms was as simple as filling an invisible bucket? Today we explore how intentional kindness can transform not only individual children, but entire school communities. I'm your host, Dr. Lisa Hassler, here to enlighten and brighten the classrooms in America through focused conversation on important topics in education. In each episode, I discuss problems we as teachers and parents are facing and what people are doing in their communities to fix it. What are the variables? And how can we duplicate it to maximize student outcomes? In a recent episode, Dr. Maggie Broderick walked us through the foundations of social emotional learning or SEL, highlighting the CASEL five competencies self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making. Today, we narrow the lens to a single high impact practice within SEL, intentional kindness. Research shows that pro-social acts strengthen belonging, reduce peer conflict, and support academic growth. This is where bucket filling comes in. Using this simple rhyme, fill more, dip less, and use your lid for happiness. Schools and families can use a shared language to notice and reinforce acts of kindness. Nearly 20 years after Have You Filled a Bucket Today was first published, bucket filling continues to shape how educators and parents nurture kindness, empathy, and resilience. And here to discuss the power of bucket filling in schools and communities is Carol McLeod, president of Bucket Fillers Academy, known in the world as the Bucket Lady. She is the author of 11 children's books. Welcome to the show, Carol. It's so nice to have you here with us today.

Carol McCloud: 2:34

I'm honored to be here, Dr. Hassler. So thank you. I'm uh just happy to spread the message.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 2:39

Can you talk about what inspired you to create the concept of bucket filling? And why do you think it resonates so strongly with children and adults alike?

Carol McCloud: 2:49

I actually heard the concept at a brain research conference, and they were presenting information on the Romanian orphans who have been discovered by the outside world. These children institutionalized from birth through age 14. From 1974 to 1989, this conference was in the early 1990s. And the neurologists who are presenting the information, showing the PET scans with empty spaces, they use the term their little buckets were never filled. And the number one thing is to fill the children's buckets. They need love, touch, caring, which they depend on adults to teach them to be bucket fillers because that empowers them and it teaches them and it creates more spaces and more activity and synapses in their brain. So this very concrete concept just took off in the classroom. And I truly believe that I went from being a good teacher to being a great teacher because we were bucket fillers. And they became happier, they followed me better, and I just was blown away. So every person I talked to after that, I was like, are you using bucket filling in your classroom? And that's how I heard the concept. And then it was probably 15 years later that I wrote a book about it, thinking, how can I get this out to people?

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 3:58

So how do your books meet children at different developmental stages?

Carol McCloud: 4:01

Well, I wrote the first book like I would be talking to someone, maybe ages four to seven, teaching the concept. So that's have you filled the bucket today. And I the next book I wrote was the preschool book, which only focuses on bucket filling. Lakeshore Learning has a social emotional learning tip, which took the book and turned it into 10 different activities. And I think one of the buckets back there, the little smiley face bucket with the little pillows in it. So then I wrote Baby, and the sequel to my original book is really grades three and older, and it ends in the concept of the lids. You know, the first book talks about that everyone has an invisible bucket. And when you're nice to someone, you fill their bucket. But when you're mean, you actually dip into their bucket and you take out some of their happiness. So, and then the third book, growing up with a bucket full of happiness, three rules for a happier life. And that brings in the concept that not only do we have a bucket and a dipper, we also have lids for our buckets. And our lids can protect the happiness in our buckets. Grade two can handle that concept, that filtering that what everybody says isn't true. So you can see quickly how profound this and it ties in with everything, with resilience and compassion and kindness and self-control, all through a bucket, a dipper, and a lid. It's a simple language. Everybody gets it once they're two and a half or three years old. And it's actually for adults too. I mean, we owe more happiness. And how do you get it? And how do you keep it? So it's a skill that you actually have to learn.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 5:28

When you're thinking about peer pressure and bullying, are schools linking those two together as a prevention tool for schools to use?

Carol McCloud: 5:36

Yes, I think it helps children understand that some of the pages of the book will show someone dipping in someone else's bucket, either by pushing someone or by laughing and making fun of someone. And it will show the people who are doing that that their buckets aren't full. So it helps children understand that when our buckets aren't full, we sometimes think we can fill our bucket by dipping into someone else's. And it specifically says you never fill your bucket when you dip in someone else's. But it helps people who are being attacked in one way or another that it really is the other person that has the problem. And then you can talk about what you would do if you saw this in your school. So it's so easy. It really is a teaching tool, but it helps children understand that people who, you know, are mean, it's really a behavior. I'm very careful to not use the word bucket dipper as a label on a child or an adult, even, that we can be bucket dippers, but really it's an action. It's a behavior, it's something we're saying or doing. And that's what's dipping. It's not us as a person, but we're all bucket fillers. And every once in a while, every single one of us dips in someone's bucket. And typically it's the people in our families.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 6:44

So, what are some of the most powerful stories that you've heard from schools or families about the difference that the bucket filling concept has made?

Carol McCloud: 6:52

We visited the school in the middle of the school year, and I don't always know the backstory on why they asked us to come in and do assemblies and teacher workshops. I don't always know that. So I went to this school. The principal actually talked to me and he said, Carol, to be honest with you, the teachers brought this to me. It's this the character development program we would use. And they brought it to me last year. I really thought it was really hokey. I thought it might work for kindergarten and first grade, but it was way too juvenile to work for our fifth graders. But I was overruled. So we did bucket fulling the next year. And he says, um, you know, we started off the year reading your book, and we got buckets for all the classroom. And as teachers witness acts of kindness, they put a little pom-pom in their classroom bucket. And then once a month, when we go down to our auditorium and have our school assemblies, all the classrooms pour their little pom-poms in this clear cylinder or case that was like five feet tall by 10 inches wide. And then all we do is measure how many acts of kindness were witnessed that month. So they left the marks on there. This was December and this was January and that was March. He said, the kids loved it, the teacher loves it, but I have to tell you this the behavior referrals to my office went down 68%. He was a doubting Thomas, a non-believer. He didn't think it would work. And he said, This is the best thing we have ever used in our school. He says, the older kids get it, the younger children. So talk about a testimony from a non-believer. As far as a family, I have to tell you, one mother had emailed me and said that um she was very disturbed because her first grader she felt was being bullied and that nothing was being done about it. She said, I've talked to the principal, I've talked to the teacher. They think that this is kind of what happens in schools sometimes, but it's happening on the bus, it's happening on the playground, she's being excluded, she's being made fun of, and she's having a really bad time in school. But could you give me the names of any schools in my area that haven't adopted the bucket-filling philosophy? So I did. I gave her those names. And about six months later, she called me and she says, you know, I interviewed three schools. I moved my daughter, and she's the happiest child I could ever imagine. That is one of the best decisions that I ever made because I don't expect schools to be perfect, but I don't expect them to ignore things and not teach the right things to a degree that children understand. And so another testimony from a parent, because the school was doing it right. It's it's not just the message in the book, it's the daily language, it's the filling every child's bucket, knowing that not just the teachers, it's the students around them. It's the kindness that actually is the brighter side of education when there's kindness in the classroom. That is the brighter side of education. And I think we can have classrooms like that. And that's not a Pollyanna statement. I have seen it. I've seen it, I've witnessed it for 20 years, and I'm still just amazed by the power of this simple concept.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 9:42

Yeah, the climate of a school is very palatable. You feel it. Having something like this where it can create that positive climate is so important. And you offer free teaching tools like posters, songs, videos, and um multilingual resources, right? On your website, and that is bucketfillers101.com. How can educators best use these the reinforced bucket filling language so that it can be woven into the daily routines like morning meetings, uh, group projects, or even conflict resolution?

Carol McCloud: 10:17

Well, we have on our website teaching tools, and it actually will have steps to create a bucket-filling school, which you can pick and choose what works and uh how to create a bucket-filling classroom. We have rewards, we have pledges. I really believe that the thing about being a bucket filler is remembering to do it. So reminders are absolutely critical. So many schools have pulled the art right off of our books and they actually enter the school and it says, we are bucket fillers, or we are a bucket-filling school. So there's this instant reminder with these beautiful, happy faces. I mean, the art is just unbelievable. So immediately you're faced with that that we are bucket fillers. This school that we went to last week in Ohio, every day they do the bucket fillers pledge that everyone stands up and they you can see it right there behind me if you're watching on video. You know, I promise to be a bucket filler every day at home, at school, and everywhere I go. So, and they take that message to whatever that level is. Sometimes you can bring in that I try not to dip and I use my lid when needed. But you you do the pledge, so you have a reminder. And then the teachers use the language, you know, you use that, you know. Is everybody being a bucket filler right now? Is someone dipping in my bucket right now? And you remind them, okay, how about if every one of us do something tonight to fill someone's bucket? So I just think it's the everydayness, it's bringing you joy. That's the way I see bucket filling. It just infuses everything about your day. Not that it's perfect, not that you're gonna work hard, but you really do make a difference in lives, and your day is better as an educator or as a parent.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 11:46

What is a bucket filling activity that an educator could introduce tomorrow to make kindness visible in the classroom?

Carol McCloud: 11:54

You know, the one that I did when I came home from this conference, I would suggest that because it was powerful. So I um I told the children that I was 40 years old, that I nobody had ever told me that I had an invisible bucket. And I said, But I know I do. And when I'm around you, I can fill my bucket filling up a little bit more. So I actually I had a little circle time going, 20 students, but you can do it in desks. But what I would do if I were a teacher today, by this time, you know your children, you know your class, you know a little bit about them, you you know what you love about them, you know what's going on with them, so you know them. So I would take that list home and I would write at least two or three reasons why this child is special to you. What do you appreciate about them? What do you love about them? And then I would have a bucket-filling moment the next day when we go back to school that I want to sit down and you know, I don't think I've been doing an adequate job filling each one of your buckets. And I would get face to face in front of each child, pupil to pupil, looking at them directly in the eye, and I would say, you are just an amazing individual. Your energy, your positivity, your desire to help people. I mean, I would give one or two really specific, honest reasons why I appreciated that person, why I value them in my life. And then I would do the next one. Everybody listens, everybody's here, and truthfully, you can hear a pin drop. There's total quiet. By the time you get to the third child, you're crying. Your emotions are coming up, and you're realizing these are all children and they're in my care. And you start to realize that you're starting to know them and you're starting to value them. And you know what? That what you're doing right there is leaving a core memory that will never leave that child. Those face-to-face, honest, sincere statements is totally filling a bucket. So I would start right there. I don't care if you're high schoolers, I don't care if you're middle school, I don't care if you're preschool. It doesn't matter. These children need to have, I mean, all of us need more eye-to-eye contact. We're we're looking everywhere else, but not in people's eyes these days. And say something that's true and honest that makes that child feel cared for, respected, appreciated, and valued. I think that's a wonderful activity. And it really doesn't take that long. You're talking a half an hour, maybe at most, to do 20 students and be sincere about it? Not even a minute per child. And you will create a lasting impression and it will change the tone of your class because everyone brings something. And it's just such a beautiful reminder of why we teach in the first place because we love kids.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 14:22

Yeah, I love that one. So finally, for both teachers and parents, what is one small daily habit that you recommend for filling not only children's buckets but their own as well?

Carol McCloud: 14:33

Yeah, I I think that um a dad once contacted me and he walked his special needs child to the bus every day. And every day they talked about that they were both gonna fill someone's bucket that day, dad and son. And then when they got home from work or school, they each talked about whose bucket they filled. And he has to say that that made such a change in his son. But I think it's this thing that every family should do. I think that, you know, just talk about it. Say, you know, make sure everyone is gonna fill a bucket that day. You talk about whose bucket you fill, but you can also talk about what filled your bucket that day. What happened to you that filled your bucket? Because now you're having a conversation, you're talking about things that matter, and you're noticing how when you fill someone else's bucket by doing the smallest act of kindness, how it fills your bucket too. If you had to have one rule in life, it's be a bucket filler. If you want to be have a happy life, be a bucket filler. I mean, it really gets down to one little thing. Just make that choice every day. And if you don't, okay, I forgot to fill a bucket today. Be honest about it. But at least you have an active intention and you're creating this habit, you're changing everything about your life and how you are and how you approach people because you're kind of looking around, you know, for the little things that you can say or do changes everything.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 15:50

I think also having the conversation to say that it's not just for you, but it's also for me makes it valued that intentionality that you're talking about. But now your website, I mentioned a little bit about it. What is all of the things that you offer?

Carol McCloud: 16:04

Well, actually, I love the music. There's the FC a bucket filling CD, it's somewhere behind me here. But um, we have teacher tools, we have student activities, and we have these I am a bucket filler wristbands. I start my day with my wristband on my left wrist. And as soon as I fill someone's bucket that day, I put it over on my right wrist. This is my daily reminder. Um it makes me more aware of my words, and it makes it also makes me more aware of my thoughts and my actions. We actually have a rhyme that says, fill more, dip less, use the lid, that's happiness. So there's the little rules for happiness with the big emphasis on be a bucket filler. Fill more. The more you fill, the more your bucket's gonna fill. And if our bucket is representing our mental and emotional health, we should be with that. We really do have a reservoir in our brain, and we hope it's full. And when it's full, we have a better life and we're able to fill other buckets. So the most important bucket to keep filled is your own, because if not, then you'll be drained and it's more difficult to be a bucket filler. There's really three rules. Rule number one is be a bucket filler. Fill your own bucket, fill other people's buckets. Rule number two, try not to dip in buckets, even if you're having a bad day. In fact, I would warn people. So don't dip in your own bucket with your own negative thoughts, and don't dip in other people's buckets with your words and actions. So you actually have to become more aware of your actions. And the third rule is sometimes we do need to put a lid on our bucket to protect the happiness in our bucket. Sometimes it's because other people are rude. Sometimes it's like turning off the news, which might not be filling our bucket at that moment, and actually setting some boundaries and knowing that you can say no to certain things and make better choices. So be a bucket filler, try not to dip, and use your lid. And you will have done a lot to increase your happiness. And I do think that I'd like to leave the audience with just one thought is that it really is true that just the smallest act of kindness fills buckets. And sometimes it's there forever. I mean, when you're kind to someone and you go out of your way to do something for someone, they don't forget it. It's like you fill that whole experience again and it fills your bucket again. So the smallest little act of kindness can make such a tremendous difference and it always fills your bucket too.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 18:17

Well, thank you so much for joining us and for these wise words. It's an important message, and it's also a simple one. I really appreciate you taking the time to share with us today. And I hope that everybody is able to start it with a simple act of kindness and with the recommendations that you shared with us today. Uh, really appreciate your time. Thank you so much.

Carol McCloud: 18:37

Yeah, thank you. I appreciate you also and the meaning that you are bringing to others to remind them of why teaching is such a wonderful profession and the difference you can make in lives. I mean, after parents and grandparents, those teachers are rock stars. I mean, they they change brain anatomy. And I just think that, you know, your work is so important. And I do think that everyone wants to learn more and feel good about their life. And I think understanding bucket filling helps me and I believe helps many others do that. So thank you.

Dr. Lisa Hassler: 19:11

Little acts of care can ripple outward, changing entire school communities. So, educators and parents, let's commit to being bucket fillers in our daily interactions. Try one bucket filling activity this week and notice how it transforms not only your students' or children's happiness, but your own as well. If you have a story about what's working in your schools that you'd like to share, you can email me at Lisa at dr lisaarhassler.com or visit my website at www.drlisaarhassler.com and send me a message. If you like this podcast, subscribe and tell a friend. The more people that know, the bigger impact it will have. And if you find value to the content in this podcast, consider becoming a supporter by clicking on the supporter link in the show notes. It is the mission of this podcast to shine light on the good in education so that it spreads, affecting positive change. So let's keep working together to find solutions that focus on our children's success.